PEOPLE DON'T THINK much of it, but it's kinna funny. The madmen in white coats (or green, depending on whether you watched Beakman's World or Bill Nye the Science Guy) will claim that while the Earth has been around for billions of years, humans have known it for barely the tenth of a million. On the scale, that's fresh, man. Monkeys are the newest major fashion of the eon.
Sometimes I lie awake at night. I'm afraid it might've been my fault.
I was busy being right dead at the time. Or—yeah, this sounds more like it—I was just taking some leave. Some nonsense to do with death and taxes... and I figure I must have been out with the Lord, yabbering about our luck with the women and, you see, getting horribly smashed. And so I asked him, if this guy-girl thing is such a crock, how would you do it any better?
This called for a drinking match! The rules, as I like to tell people:
"Two gods create two planets and two intelligent species, sprinkling the planets with as much distracting nonsense as possible. Then the species are swapped between the planets. They take swigs as follow.. opponent's creatures discover Newtonian physics: one drink. Nuclear war, two drinks. Formation of massive international media corps complete with requisite propaganda: five drinks. Whoever first gets hit in the nose by a pointy rocketship loses."
You may imagine my surprise when, on one particularly peaceful and unsuspecting Saturday morning, I awoke among the humans...
Here lies the journal of an excessively floofy purple dragon—the story of hir fading thirty-year hangover...